Lots of recent thoughts.

1) when is immigration going to come up in the discussion over the economy and the "stimulus?" Up until now, the argument for immigration has been that immigrants were doing the jobs that Americans would not... but now that most Americans are in dire straits, it would seem that more would be willing to pick Strawberries or wash dishes. Which would mean we'd have less need for immigrant labor.

2) Perhaps even more importantly, the idea behind Obama's stimulus package is that it would a) create jobs, which would b) allow the newly employed to spend, which would c) allow the recipients of that spending to not file for bankruptcy, thus allowing a greater number of employees to stay employed. More or less, by creating jobs, the stimulus package would get more money flowing thru the economy. BUT, because most immigrants send a large percentage of their paycheck back to their families in their home countries, employing illegal immigrants would actually work against this idea.

It won't be long before this is brought up...

Wow, that last entry was a giant explosion teetering on the verge of incoherence... just close enough to the edge to exhilarate, but not actually falling into the pit of incomprehensiveness... I don't remember writing it, but it's a pretty accurate representation of the emotional terribleness that so much of my Peace Corps service involved. I cannot believe I've been back for five months... time flies when you're buried in books and trying to keep up with the demands of Law School. I'm much happier nowadays, but I'm occasionally struck by just how pointless my life can seem. My days consist of reading and learning about practicing The Law, but I'm producing nothing and helping nobody but myself. I thought I'd spent too much time stuck in my own head in El Salvador, but geez, now... it becomes especially difficult to come to terms with the self-absorption required for school during exams, when the learnings accumulated over the prior months must be demonstrated in the course of a four-hour exam period, and whatever is produced on that exam paper is arbitrarily judged and graded. I'm not contributing any value to the world, just plugging away. But I make it sound so negative. I've actually really enjoyed the intellectual stimulation and having a pretty clear mandate for what I need to accomplish in the course of a day. I do not, however, enjoy winter.

Well, it’s been a bit, hasn’t it? The political difficulties I discussed in my prior entry have only worsened, but I’ve been able to distance myself from them enough that I’m not too bothered at the moment. As for work, I put together a day-long aids awareness/ gender equity workshop for students in Nueva Esparta, a two- day informational conference attended by about 50 volunteers in the Eastern region, fought long and hard with El Salvador’s completely incompetent Education Ministry so several schools in my municipality could receive a large shipment of donated computers, have since begun training the schools’ teachers and Directors on the computers’ use, and so on and so forth.

I can’t believe it’s already almost March and I’ll be returning home in only 5 months. I’m looking forward to many aspects of my native land but realize that El Salvador has become my reality and returning will certainly be an adjustment. Oh, what it’ll be like to expect efficiency, well-stocked supermarket shelves, wireless Internet connections, conversations in my native language and concern about only my own affairs!

Note: I define “My Own Affairs” as my personal health and mental well-being, daily work/school/other responsibilities, and concern for the well-being of my friends and family. I certainly don’t mean to imply that at the moment I’m selflessly crusading for the benefit of others—I spend plenty of time taking care of myself and thinking about my family and friends- yet I can't help but expend a great deal of mental and emotional energy concerned with the difficult- (at times nearly impossible) -to -solve-affairs of my Salvadoran community. To do so is almost inevitable as I’m confronted with so many problems on a daily basis… and the concern I can’t help but feel is far different than that experienced by a concerned individual living in the first world. The first-world-dweller has the luxury of being detached from the “need” and can reconcile their guilt simply through donating money to a cause or buying fair trade coffee.

Let it be said that first-worlders SHOULD be concerned and that donating money or spending conscientiously is valuable and important. But being a first-worlder in the third world means that awareness of needs does not go away. And although the needs are almost always apparent the solution is not. And neither one’s concern for the situation nor the answer to the problem can be purchased away-- monetary solutions often cannot solve ingrained structural problems.
For instance, it isn’t simply that a student doesn’t have money to go to school—even if you can help a qualified student receive a scholarship, the parents and student still have to recognize that attending school is an investment and should be favored over the more immediate gratification of earning money through working or emigrating to the states. And the problems of teen pregnancies and people having more kids than they can support aren’t the result of a material lack of condoms or family planning educational materials, it’s that sexual taboos, masculine cultural norms, and short-term thinking result in far too many young mothers, fatherless children, and overpopulation. Just a few examples. And when you’re surrounded by these difficult-to-solve problems you can’t help but try and become preoccupied with constructing solutions—some of which can make a small change, some of which can’t be implemented, but the point is that one feels a consistent responsibility to do something about these issues.

I absolutely can say my presence in El Salvador has made a difference and I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. And of course I’m only one person and not so presumptuous as to imagine I’d be able to solve all the world’s problems. But when so many problems surround you and your primary reason for being present is to try and solve some of them you can’t help but find yourself preoccupied… not only because as a volunteer it’s my responsibility, nor because my heart bleeds altruism and love, but because my Salvadoran friends and adopted community truly mean something to me and it hurts to see them in crappy situations. And I’ve noticed that as my time comes near a close I can justify spending less time thinking about solutions simply because I won’t be around long enough to implement them. And doing so has been disturbingly refreshing. It’s strange to imagine what it’ll be like to once again be in the United States and not be faced with the need to care. I suppose my disposition towards giving a hoot won't go away but the hoot-giving won’t feel quite so overwhelming or imperative.

It’s so difficult to describe the political (and thus, personal) difficulties I encounter as a Peace Corps volunteer here in my particular pueblo in El Salvador…

For example, the director of a school in a poor canton community called Ocotillo asked that I give a talk on deforestation and environmental awareness to the community. Both myself and the school director live within the pueblo, and the canton is about an hour’s drive up a rocky, rough road. Sounds neutral enough, right? Yet the canton community has supported other parties in past elections, and it just-so-happens that the school director is THE political enemy of the mayor. So the drive up to Ocotillo was peppered with jabs at the mayor such as “boy, the road up to Ocotillo is really terrible, huh? Well, you know the mayor hasn’t a thing to pave it. All the Alcaldia projects go to pro-ARENA communities.” I actually did speak up to defend the mayor, because I know how limited the Alcaldia’s funds are and how many necessities are in the municipio—although the road to Ocotillo is terrible, there are plenty of terrible roads and they’re being worked on slowly. Of course, funds are being inequitably directed towards projects in those communities that have supported the mayor, but to some extent that’s simply politics…

Anyway, when the mayor found out that I went to Ocotillo, his face twisted into agony and I’ve been having to work to repair the relationship over the past days. Despite any mistrust I have of him, maintaining a positive relationship is essential to implementing successful projects. At one point I thought I could affect attitudes and be a “democracy warrior” by openly working with both sides, but I’ve come to realize that my actions were perceived in the community as betrayal (especially by the mayor, who perceives a lack of political support as equivalent to a lack of personal support) . If I was here for a lifetime maybe I could ride out the storm, but the mayor has such a stranglehold on power in the town that if I want to do anything productive in my two years here I’ve gotta work to stay on his good side. And on top of all that, my “official counterpart” is the alcaldia. Obviously this doesn’t officially mean political loyalty, but in reality and the way loyalty is perceived “on the ground,” I’m afraid that supporting an individual is perceived as supporting the party.

And I angered the school director because I defended the mayor, and I suspect his invitation to speak on the environment was actually to advance his political ends rather than the health of the community, as my presence accompanying him would be perceived by many as a form of supporting him against the mayor. And I of course pissed of the mayor because I accompanied this guy—but how could I refuse a supposedly neutral invitation for an environmental talk?

And I feel powerless. I see that there is a need in Ocotillo and can’t remedy it myself, so try to talk to the mayor in a very neutral, easy manner—“boy, that road up to Ocotillo is really terrible. When do you think it might get paved?”—yet I have no say in any decisions, I can only try to use my gringo influence, and essentially all decisions are made by the mayor alone, and the only factors influencing him are the party leaders. They come visit the alcaldia in their finely pressed Arena shirts and have secret meetings with the mayor and tell him where to direct projects. And I know what they talk about in those meetings because the mayor very innocently tells me and other people—many times in an excited manner-- because he sees nothing wrong with making decisions in this manner. Which also makes things difficult, because he strikes me more as a naïve person than one who is malicious. And not only is it hard to hate or turn your back on somebody who has such a limited worldview, but it’s next to impossible to try and create a change or influence him using any sort of intellectualism. His worldview and attitude are shaped by a culture of class-based caste differences, a long history of corrupt (or at least self-serving) Latin American politics, and rock-solid party affiliations fashioned by an us vs. them approach that hasn’t changed since the end of the civil war.

But then, it’s amazing how things are construed. When we’ve had events—for example, last week’s inependence day celebration—I always try to lend a hand and help set up by carrying sound equipment, cases of soda, whatever. The mayor doesn’t do this and I certainly don’t need to, but I don’t want to seem too proud or “too worthy” to help out like everybody else. But when talking to people, I realize that those who oppose the mayor assume that he’s my boss and I’m simply being servile to him (because he sure as fuck isn’t carrying anything).

And oh, there´s so much more.

Here´s a photo of myself and 16-year-old Gabriel at an environmental camp held last April.

We be gettin´ silly. I planned the camp with other volunteers and it consisted of three days of active, fun learning about the environment, and kids were crying on the last day because they had such a great time.

Opportunities that we take for granted in the states, such as attending a camp, just don´t exist for most of these kids.

Last night I found out that young Gabriel is currently in a US jail awaiting deportation because he got caught trying to cross the border. Apparently he went looking for more opportunities.

I’ve been here for over a year now, and in the past months I’ve noticed a marked increase in the informal markets, both in the actual number of people selling products on buses or streets as well as the variety of products being sold. And when I first arrived in the country the vendors were almost exclusively middle-aged women, and recently there’ve been even greater numbers of male and children vendors. For instance, on my last cross-country bus ride to San Salvador I saw a male campesino selling half-liter liquor bottles filled with honey. Yes, honey. Further, within the capital city, streetcorners are often populated by women slapping together pupusas and frying them on small gas powered plancha stoves, but I’ve noticed an even greater number of these informal vendors trying to scrape together a few quarters by clogging Salvadoran’s arteries.
I can only assume this increase in vendors is indicative of a worsening Salvadoran economy. In the US or other developed countries, an economic “pinch” would also force many who were homemakers or students into the labor market, but the shift wouldn’t be so publicly obvious because they’d be working in the factories, restaurants, or offices that make up the formal labor market. In countries like El Salvador, though, where formal jobs hardly exist, the “pinch” is shared publicly because one’s only option for income is to hawk something on the streets.

Those who can live "comfortably" here are those who have money sent from family working (legally or not) in the states. Those who are struggling and send their kids to work in the fields rather than attend elementary school tend to be those without money coming from the states. And even those kids who do graduate from high school will then emigrate illegally to the US because there are simply no jobs available in this country.

Immigration to the US-- legal during the war and after the earthquakes as Salvadorans emigrated with refugee status, but now almost exclusively done illegally—is the pressure valve keeping this country from either collapsing or exploding. Although jobs and resources are scarce enough at the moment, the level of poverty and percentage of unemployed would be even greater if the millions of Salvadorans currently in the US were competing for the same number of jobs and resources. And the societal unrest that should accompany such a lack of employment and rich-poor discrepancy is reduced because the incomes of so many poor Salvos are supplemented by money sent from family in the US.

So although it’s typically the US right-wing that supports curbing immigration and deporting illegals, and the left wing that favors some level of amnesty for undocumented workers, I wonder if the idea of deportation resulting in revolution would change the debate? Closing the immigration “pressure valve” would almost certainly result in the election of a left wing-ruler (if not a genuine armed revolution). Preventing the installation of another potential Chavez in Latin America may be enough for some on the right to support amnesty, and for some leftists to call for deportation.
Personally, I think the left wing in El Salvador is naïvely dedicated to romantic ideas of revolution and stuck in outmoded socialist ideology, and I don’t know how much better the country would run with a leftist government. And the Salvadoran right wing seems to care more about political power and appearances than adherence to any particular ideology. And the US certainly can’t continue allowing undocumented immigration to continue as it has. Don’t ask me for a solution, I just work here.

So on the topic of the economy, the informal economy is often the only way people can scrape together a living. There’s a guy who wanders my town hawking random items he picks up at the market in Santa Rosa—Sponge Bob Square Pants bath towels, shoe polish, children’s underpants, and so on. And there’s a pickup truck that drives through town once a week buying aluminum and other metals at $.50/ pound, so despite all the trash littering the ground, you’ll never find an aluminum can—no sooner does a can hit the ground than it’s recovered by a collector (likewise, the phones are so often dead because the market for metals impels the unscrupulous to steal and sell the copper phone lines).
And oh, the bus vendors. Every bus ride is populated by vendors selling everything from sliced mangoes or watermelon (in plastic bags) to fresco or atol drinks (in plastic bags) to pupusas (in plastic bags) to quesadilla (in plastic bags), to big hunks of barbequed meat (on a stick). Although it may be annoying to have a bag of fried yucca waved in your face as the vendor repetitively states the baggie’s contents in an atonal monotone, these people really work hard. Peeling, chopping, and bagging their goods for hours, then sucking in diesel fumes as they chase bus after bus, squeezing through narrow aisles past other vendors and passengers (none of whom are particularly narrow themselves), just to earn a few quarters and scrape together some sort of existence.

And on a semi-related side note, have I mentioned how EVERYTHING comes in a bag? Any item purchased, regardless of size--a pack of gum, for instance-- or current state of bagged-ness— a small bag of sliced mangoes—will then be placed into another bag. And drinks such as soda, atoll, or even coffee are bagged. And people will act bewildered, even offended, if you refuse a bag and carry the item as-is.
I wonder how much money stores and vendors would save if they reduced the number of bags given out with purchases?
And I wonder if the savings would be enough to offset the costs of cleaning the bathrooms and providing a few rolls of toilet paper?